Excerpt from Love, Feeling and Emotion, by Mr. John Chatteris
1. YOUR MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION

The most important thing that any individual has, is their dominion and mastery over their inner world of Feeling. More precious than gold and diamonds or any other material thing or situation, are our Feelings. Why? Because regardless of what the external material circumstances are, the way that we Feel about “it” or “them” is the only thing that matters.

Scenario One:

You wake up with a start, you glance at the clock and realize that you have slept in. You have a number of important engagements today, starting with a business meeting at 9.00 a.m.. “Damn it,” you say, “I know I shouldn’t have gone out drinking last night.” You wash, and throw on some cloths in a mad dash, and once again start your day with the usual frustration, guilt, and anxiety.

Coming down into the family room you shout accusingly at your spouse blaming her for not getting you going earlier. You sit down to grab a quick bite to eat, and your daughter, who is trying to finish her homework, that should have been done the night before, subconsciously picks up on your emotionally reactive mood and spills her tea over your clean clothes.
You scold her harshly as you rush back to the bedroom to change into some fresh clothes, and when you come back to the breakfast table she is sobbing her heart out. Your spouse reacts with an outburst of anger directed at you, for your unjustified and unfair behavior. By the time all the crying screaming and sobbing has subsided you find that your daughter is too late for the school bus and you are now forced to go out of your way to drive her to school.

To make up for lost time, you drive at 45mph in a 30mph-speed zone, get stopped by the police and you are booked for speeding. As you come away from the police and return to the car your daughter is now in a state of near terror fearing that she will receive yet another angry outburst from you. Blaming all your troubles on her, you climb back into the car and slam the door. While you would much prefer to explode again, you notice that the police are still within earshot, so you grip your jaw and stuff all your rage and frustration deep down inside of you.

You drop off your traumatized daughter at the school and without further comment, drive off to your important meeting that has brought so much distress into your family life on this day.
When you finally get to your meeting, thirty minutes late, you put on an apologetic and super nice plastic face that brings a gust of disturbing energy into the room and immediately puts everybody on edge and sets back what had been, up till then, a smooth and creative process. Your day continues to follow this pattern of disharmony until lunch time when you have the good sense to take a walk in the park and lie on the grass in the soft sunlight to regain your center.

The rest of the day flows a little more productively and by the time you are ready to return to your home and family you have regained some semblance of your good feelings again. However when you walk into your home your family is still suffering from the effects of your emotional reactions from the morning before.

It takes at least two hours of apologies and processing to regain some of the harmony that for the most part is the norm in your family life. Yet all is still not well at bedtime, and you spend most of the night in a state of disturbed semi-sleep with your mind churning over the events of the day, judging and making wrong the various characters in this scenario including yourself. You spend most of the night tossing and turning and reflecting on the conditions of your life. You wonder if you were to get a divorce, a new job, or send your daughter away to boarding school, whether this ‘moving of the furniture around’ would restore some of the previously experienced and now much missed, “Good Feelings” back into your life. In the morning it’s yet another day and yet another dollar to be earned

Scenario Two:

You wake up early and as you glance at the clock, you thank yourself for having the good sense to have gotten an early night. You have a number of important engagements today, starting with a business meeting at 9.00 a.m. “Great,” you tell yourself as you wash and then enjoy your usual regular bowel movement. You slip into the clothes that you have prepared the night before and tell yourself “I feel great. It must be because I’m taking much better care of my health and what I am eating these days.” As you dress yourself, you feel an appreciation for the clothes you have chosen to wear that day. You note that you are feeling, adventurous, assertive, energetic, optimistic, grateful and full of enthusiasm for everything in your life.
As you come down into the family room you crack a joke with your spouse and daughter and join them at the breakfast table, which is full of healthy and nutritious foods. You sit down to eat and your daughter who is trying to finish her homework that she should have done the night before, accidentally spills her tea over your clean clothes.

She apologizes and you graciously accept her apology as you return to the bedroom to change your cloths. When you return you tell your daughter firmly and in a tone of voice that conveys only love that you think it would be a better idea if she finished her home work before watching television at night so that she does not have to try and do it last thing in the morning.
Your spouse catches your eye and sends you a supportive and approving smile for the way that you are handling the situation. Your daughter leaves to catch the school bus and you set off for your meeting which you have no concerns about, as you had left plenty of time to be able to share some quality time with your family before going to work.

You drive carefully to work as usual and arrive five minutes early for your meeting. You are able to make some potent and creative contributions to the meeting and you gain everybody’s trust and approval.
You take a walk in the park at lunchtime and enjoy a conversation with an elderly person who you sit next to on the bench. The rest of your day goes smoothly and productively and in the evening you return home still in a good space and with humor to share with your appreciative family members.

You relax on your own for a while and as usual contemplate your day and look at ways that you could have improved it for yourself and the others in your life. You retire early, as usual knowing that “early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise.” As you climb into bed with your loving spouse you feel grateful for the love that you share with your family and all those who you share your life with. In the morning you wake to yet another day of good feelings and a real sense of everything working in your life.

These are two totally different scenarios, two ways of being and of acting in the world, and most importantly, two ways of Feeling. The portrayal of two totally different “inner Feeling worlds,” two totally different “personal realities,” two completely different life experiences, two completely different lives.
The first life is a life of Emotional Reaction and the consequential Emotional suffering that comes with the territory. Anger, guilt, frustration, fear, worry, grief, jealousy, manic behaviors, and insecurity, to name but a few. Not to mention poor health, low energy, constant social conflict, financial problems, a possible propensity for substance abuse, possibly a life of crime and thus consent battles with various groups of people including the law.

The second scenario is a life of Loving Responses, a life of harmony, joy, peace, tranquility, security, happiness, fulfillment, financial success and material abundance. What is the difference between the person in the first scenario and the second? Has the second person got more money, better parents, a better job, and better karma? Maybe they have but to get themselves into that situation, somewhere down the track they would have had to learn the lessons about the result of indulging in your Emotional Reactions.

They would have had to say, this is enough suffering, fighting, conflict, lack of joy in my life, I want a change. I want peace and harmony, I want good feelings in my heart, mind, body and soul, I want a transformation, I want Love.
Which of these two scenarios would be your preferred choice? Which of these two people’s life experiences would you rather have as your own? If it’s the first, then read no further. But if you want to see yourself living a life of health, happiness and love, free from Emotional suffering and being able to create the material outcomes of your choice, without your inner Feeling world having to depend on those outcomes then read on, this book is for you.

In this book we will look at a number of words or linguistic descriptions in what may be for some a totally new way of looking at and understanding them. Words like Love, Feeling, Emotion, Reaction, Response, Choice, Attachment, Suffering and Acceptance. And with a new understanding and a new perspective on the meaning of these words we will be able to smooth out some of the rougher spots in our lives. We will then go on to take in some new messages that will enable us to creatively brighten our futures and create our worlds and our lives with grace and elegance and in just the way that we would want them to be.

“To me, habitual anger (habitual Emotion) is like sitting in a corner with a dunce cap on. Does this sound familiar? Something happens, and you get angry. Something else happens, and you get angry again. Something else happens and you get angry again. Something else happens, and once again you get angry. But you never go beyond getting angry. What good does that do? It’s a foolish Reaction to waste your time only getting angry. It’s also a refusal to perceive life in a new and different way. It would be much more helpful to ask yourself how you are creating so many situations to get angry at. What are you believing that causes all these frustrations? What are you giving out that attracts in others the need to irritate you? Why do you believe that to get your way you need to get angry? Whatever you give out comes back to you. The more you give out anger, the more you are creating situations for you to get angry at, like sitting in a corner with a dunce cap on, getting nowhere.”
-Louise Hay